The Self-Saboteur - Is That You?, Self Improvement : iPedia

Same thing happens with the drunk, who decides to go with a winner and choose what the priest chose. Six inches from his neck it stops, and he’s allowed to go free as well.

Then it’s the engineer’s turn. He’s smart enough to go with a winning strategy as well. As he lies there watching the blade descend, he gets an “ah hah” moment. “I think I know what’s wrong with it,” he cries out in delight. “The cable’s binding right here…”

This joke happens to be a classic illustration of the kind of self-sabotaging we do when we have high IQ, but low EQ (emotional intelligence). EQ, you see, isn’t just about emotions, it’s the interface between emotions and thinking. It’s the kind of skills we have that allow us to make good decisions, have good relationships, and succeed. It may well matter more in life than IQ, as this joke points out so graphically. Here is this brilliant engineer, used to problem-solving mechanical things, who proceeds to use his intellect without really thinking, and gets himself killed … you know, shoots himself in the foot.

Self-sabotage is what we do when we aren’t able to manage the emotions around a situation, or don’t stop and think about the possible consequences of our actions (and actions include words). Like the person who gets reprimanded by the boss and forgets himself and takes a punch.

· The employee who gets lulled around the water cooler at the job and forgets that self-deprecating remarks can and will be used against her. · The salesman who has the order in his pocket, but can’t quit talking, and proceeds to grab defeat from the jaws of victory. · The man who’s so nervous on the job interview he giggles, babbles, and spills his

Success in all the important things in life requires a high degree of emotional intelligence. The person who knows how to get along, can plan ahead, manage their emotions and those of others, generate options, act with intent, maintain the appropriate degree of sensitivity to their environment, and remain optimistic enough to persevere, will always have the edge. Whether it’s leadership, a better marriage, a promotion, or respect you’re after, the key can be developing your EQ.

The good news is that it can be learned. Just as you continually increase your expertise and academic learning, you can work with a coach or mentor who can explain the competencies to you, help you gain the necessary self-awareness, and give you exercises and feedback. Many people I’ve coached in EQ call it “the missing piece.” However, it’s not something you can just read about. It’s not like memorizing the chemical elements, or listening to a beautiful piece of music and appreciating it, or taking notes at a one-day seminar. It requires identifying the skills, understanding what they look like in use, and then practicing them in real-life situations, with constructive feedback, and practice.

Becoming mindful, and have many choices in your mental, physical, mental and behavioral repertoire will give you the edge. If you find you often turn left when you should’ve turned right, or feel or have been called “clueless,” or you seem stuck and are unable to move forward, why not give it a try? It’s a lot better to be a self-enhancer than a self-saboteur.

©Susan Dunn, MA, EQ coaching, http://www.susandunn.cc , mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc . Individual coaching,

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